During Healthy Relationships Month, College of Human Sciences researcher shares tips on ‘going for the gold’

Associate Clinical Professor Julianne McGill is an educator, researcher and the project manager for the Alabama Healthy Marriage & Relationship Education Initiative, an outreach project housed in Auburn’s Department of Human Development & Family Sciences and supported by a number of community partners.

Over the last 20 years, the initiative has helped over 77,000 people by offering free classes for Alabama residents, applying academic research from the College of Human Sciences to create resources that help couples strengthen their relationships.

McGill holds a bachelor’s, master’s and doctorate from Auburn. She met her husband Tyler, an Olympic gold medalist in 2012, when they were both on Auburn’s Swimming & Diving team.

You and your husband got married the year he competed in the Olympics. That must have been quite a year! When life is unusually intense (career changes, big goals, new responsibilities), what helps couples stay on the same team?

JM: That’s right — we hadn’t even been married a year when he competed in London! And I have loved seeing all the love stories at the Winter Olympics this year. I say all the time that Tyler is the best teammate I have ever had or will have. Prioritizing each other and turning towards each other, figuratively and literally, during intense times is essential to staying on the same team. Cheering each other on and being the other’s biggest fan is the easy and fun part. But listening intently to struggles, making sacrifices and adjustments and dealing with high levels of pressure together are most important for strong relationships.

You’re an expert in maintaining healthy relationships, and February is Healthy Relationship Month. What are some easy things couples can do this month to strengthen their relationships?

JM: I know people think mostly about Valentine’s Day in February, but it is important our relationships are more than just one day or moment. Many couples don’t have the time or financial resources to do a big Valentine’s date, so quality time can be really important for couples. Can you go for a 15 minute walk? Grab a coffee just the two of you? We can all find 15 minutes, we just have to prioritize each other. Scheduling it into your day isn’t bad — it doesn’t have to be spontaneous.

When we talk about healthy relationships, what are some of the most observable behaviors that tell us a couple is doing well day-to-day? 

JM: Physical touch can be an important part that consciously and subconsciously influences our relationship. Reaching out and holding hands with your partner can help regulate your physiology — especially when arguing. Touching your partner as you pass in the kitchen can be playful and light-hearted too. It can be a really great example for children to see what healthy and appropriate interactions look like.

If you could pick just one relationship skill that most improves a couple’s well-being, what would it be and why?

JM: I’d say the research evidence pretty clearly points to caring or positive behaviors toward one’s partner as one of the most predictive skills of relationship satisfaction and stability. But, as a family life educator, I know it isn’t that simple. How you are taking care of yourself, building a friendship with your partner, feeling part of a community and managing conflict are all important too. If I had to give just one answer, I would say being intentionally kind toward your partner is a great place to start!

The Alabama Healthy Marriage & Relationship Education Initiative offers free classes for couples. Many people assume relationship education is only for couples in crisis, so how does this project help people view it as a preventative resource?

JM: I talk about our classes like changing the oil in your car or going to the dentist for a checkup — it can help detect areas of weakness and prevent more complex issues later. Similarly, it is better to take care of your relationship before issues come up.

So, our project treats our classes like date nights — everyone wants more of those! We provide meals and try to offset costs for travel and childcare. And then during the date, we give you points of conversation to discuss with your partner and hear from other couples in your community and our trained facilitators.

What are some of the most common challenges couples bring into classes, and how does the project help them build skills they can use immediately?

JM: At the beginning of our classes, we ask the couples what they hope to get out of the class. The most common comments are related to communication skills, spending time together and how to fight fair. Each week we talk about different strategies and skills to support a more positive relationship, so by the end of the class, the couples have a toolkit of abilities to pull from. Research out of our project indicates we are positively impacting couples’ relationship skills, relationship quality, family harmony, mental health and sleep quality, so we feel confident we are meeting their needs.